How Can We Make Love More Enjoyable?

Middle age and beyond are marked by more subdued reactions due to physiological changes. This is in contrast to the intensity of sex in youth.

Those aren't the only things that change as you get older, though; you also gain self-assurance, refine your communication abilities, and lower your inhibitions. With this newfound emotional maturity comes the potential for a more complex, nuanced, and fulfilling sexual encounter.

If you want to experience satisfying sex in later life, you need to know what factors, both physical and emotional, contribute to it.

Get in touch with your partner.

Research shows that when two people talk about what they want, they have better sex and a healthier connection. Tell your partner what you like and don't like. Feel free to share your deepest fantasies and wishes. Do not say those private thoughts out loud if you are shy. Instead, write them down in a story or journal entry for your partner to read.

Do something different.

To spice up your sex life, push the limits with your partner. Have fun with the before bedtime. Change the way you touch each other. Find the most comfortable sex position by trying a few different ones. Put on outfits and play as different people, like a nurse, a doctor, or a cowboy. Get off the bed and onto the floor, the bathroom desk or the kitchen counter. Together, watch a dirty movie. Add sex toys like feathers, a vibrator, or anal beads to the mix.

Make time for intimacy.

You might really want to have sex, but your busy life can make it impossible. Put sexy times on your calendar just like you would other important dates. You'll be less likely to skip it then. You can get ready and have something to look forward to when you set a date. Book sex as often as you can, whether that's every day or once a week. You should pick times when you won't be tired or busy.

Exercise

Going to the gym makes you feel good and gives you more energy in bed. Working out also tones your body, which makes you feel better about your appearance and more seductive. It's not clear how much exercise you need to get better at having sex. Start with what most people say: 150 minutes of aerobic exercise and two days a week of strength training.

Go Slowly

You shouldn't rush through sex, no matter how busy you are. Do not skip the pre-play. For those extra minutes, kissing and touching each other helps get you excited and makes sex more fun. You and your partner will have more time together when you slow down. That's good for both of you in general.

By far, this is the best way to improve your sex life. Some people do it quickly because they don't like being kissed or caressed by their partner, others do it quickly because they don't want to lose their erection, and still others do it quickly because the orgasm is the most exciting part of sex.

You're moving too fast. To get more out of sex, take your time and use all of your senses. At least more than one.
If the orgasm is the only thing you enjoy about sex, you might want to think about how, when, and with whom you're having it.

Apply lubricant

Women's bodies make their own lube, but there are times when it's not enough. Around the time of menopause, changes in hormones can make the vaginal area dry, which can make sex difficult. The safest lube to use with condoms is one that is based on water. It's better to use silicone-based lubes for anal sex, though.

Be Affectionate

In a relationship, not every meeting has to end in sex. There are lots of other ways for you and your partner to have fun. Spend time together by bathing or massaging each other. Make out on the couch while it's hot. By masturbating, you can make each other come. Learn how to touch each other the way you like it. Or just hold hands.

Relax

You can really relax with sex, but it's hard to get in the mood when you're excited. When you get home from a hard day, do something relaxing with your partner. Play soft sounds. Do things to help you relax, like deep breathing or meditation. Mindfulness meditation has been shown to help women feel more in touch with their bodies during sex.

Do Kegels

Kegels work out the muscles on the floor of your pelvis that support your bladder. Also, they loosen up the vagina to make it more comfortable to have sex, boost blood flow, and make it easier to get an orgasm. To do these easy movements, just squeeze and loosen the muscles that help you hold your urine. They're not just for women either. Men who do Kegel exercises have orgasms and erections that are stronger.

Plan a trip for the next night

Changing places can sometimes be all you need to get your sex life going again. Go on a trip together. You don't have to go very far, but places like the ocean or mountains are great for getting back together with your partner. Put down your phones and pay attention to each other. To add more spark, act like you're new to dating or like you're strangers who have met up for an illicit tryst.

Birth control

I can't remember how many times I've seen men stop making love right before they come as a way to avoid having children. I don't understand why anyone would either a) take that kind of risk or b) hurt their physical experience in that way.

There are many types of condoms, as well as the IUD, the diaphragm, and a huge number of hormonal options that are better now than ever before.

Get excited

Whenever a patient tells me about a bad sexual experience, I ask them if they were excited. "I was erect" or "I was wet" is often the answer. It is important to note that both show that the body is aroused, but they don't say if the person is excited, activated, involved, or energised. And without those, people are just having sex without getting the mental high that most people want from it.

Talk a lot about sex!

This one seems like a no-brainer, but a lot of people are afraid to talk about their hopes and dreams. 

It gets easier the more you talk about having sex with your mate. Plus you have a better chance of getting the sex you want!

Talk about what makes you happy right now. 

You can add new positions to your rotation.

If you're like most pairs, you have a favourite spot or two. 

Take a moment to remember the beginning. You had to try these poses with your partner before they became the best.

Test out different kinds of stimulation.

Senses of touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound should all be used during sensation play. It can also be one of the most fun things to do while having sex.

One example is that some people feel more aroused when an ice cube slides along their skin. Some people like the way warm massage candle wax feels on their arms or legs. 

Speed up

Your sex probably has a beat, even if you're not aware of it. Change the speed every once in a while. 

Take your sweet time with each other and try to slow down. This can be a great way to be more present and close to someone. It's amazing how a simple change in pace can make feelings and desire stronger. 

Do something you've always wanted to do.

It is natural for people to want to stick to what they know. It's nice to know that you can count on certain things, but they can get dull and uninteresting after a while.

Getting out of your comfort zone means trying something you don't know much about but have been wanting to do.

This doesn't mean doing something that makes you or your partner feel bad. You should never feel like you have to do something you don't want to. Don't forget that this is about how to make sex more fun, not more difficult. 

For more fun, use sex toys.

Today, kids can play with high-tech toys and share tools. Sex toys have come a long way, from ones you can play with by yourself to ones your partner can control from afar. Everyone can find something they like. 

Take a date to the sex shop near you and look around. Every month, try a different toy. You are sure to have a great time when you try out new feelings and experiences. 

Play make-believe and pretend games in your sex life.

Adding play could be more fun. Try a new role when you have sex with your long-term partner if it's no longer fun. You can stop being yourself and play someone else for a change. 

Talk to your partner about how you'd like to play sexual roles together. What kinds of situations get you excited? Meeting strangers for the first time? Power relations (like a doctor and a patient)? Talk about who will do what and set limits so that everyone knows what to expect.

Try out new places and settings

There are many great things about having sex in bed, but that's not the only place you can do it. What kinds of sexy things can you do in your kitchen or home office? 

If you want to try something new without giving up safety, have sex in the living room or guest room. With couches, chairs, and cushions, guest rooms and living rooms have enough furniture and support to stay comfortable. But the new location can make all the difference. 

Turn it into a game

What better way to make your sex life more fun and gamesy than to play some sexual games?

You might want to:

Board and card games that are hot
Dice for sex position
Putting together a list of things to do
Making up your own game

These games can help you think of new ways to have sex that you had not thought of before. In many of these games, you have to draw a card and do the things that it tells you to do. 

You don't have to do anything that makes you feel bad, of course. You can use your ideas to come up with new ways to make each other feel good. 

Do not think about the end goal.

Getting too stressed out about having an orgasm at the end takes away from the fun of sex. You're losing out on a lot of intimacy if that's your main goal.

Sex is more than just a few snaps of pleasure. The build-up is just as important. 

Intimacy and sex are about the whole experience, like trying out new feelings, a toy for the first time, or making up your own game.

Let go of the idea of getting a certain result. And try new ways to be sexual with your partner to make the feelings stronger, get closer physically and emotionally, and have a great time while you do it.

Say something "dirty."

The brain is the sexiest part of our bodies, and it's also where our sexual urges come from. This is why "dirty talk," or insulting or rude talk about sex, is so exciting.

A part of the brain called the hypothalamus is in charge of making testosterone. This is what makes women attractive. The amygdala is in charge of fear. 

What you do when someone says bad words or the subject of the conversation rests on these two parts of your brain. For men and women, it's different.

Why do guys like to talk trash? This means that men are more sexually busy and have a higher libido because their hypothalamus is bigger. 

Afterward, talk

It's good for your relationship to talk to your partner after having sex.

Talking about your dreams or the things you like can help your relationship and love life.

You will feel better if you and your partner can have honest personal bedtime talk.

The tips for having good sex are all very easy to follow. Be honest and open with your partner, and don't be afraid to try new things! You will have the best sex of your life together. But if you're having trouble, you might want to see a doctor together. 

Lift your legs up more.

One great thing about being a guy is being able to push in as far as you can. Put your legs up on his shoulders in the missionary position. This makes him able to move a lot more. (Please take a seat first!) Don't do this if it hurts. If he's kneeling down, you can get the same effect by putting your legs up around his waist, which may be easier to keep up (some people fall asleep when you keep your legs up that high for that long).

Get on top of your husband to ease the stress.

I'm not talking about easing up on the body. I mean taking pressure off of your mind. Plus, you feel more in charge when you're on top. He's probably thinking about what he can do to make you feel good because he's the one moving in other shots. Since you're in charge, you can focus on making him happy without having to worry about making you happy. He can also do more interesting things with his hands.

See a sex therapist.

There are times when your medicine box has what you need for better sex. Some drugs, like blood pressure and depression pills, can make you less drive to do things. Heart illness, vaginal dryness, multiple sclerosis, or depression may be the cause. Talk to your doctor about getting checked out to see if a health problem is affecting your sex life. Tell your doctor the truth about what's going on so they can help you.